(Un)Even Steven

Well, kids…

It’s now been 19 days post op and life is good!

photo 3Yet what seemingly has been a popular trend over the last several days wasn’t necessarily so directly after my most recent implant exchange.

I caught myself struggling after surgery for the zillionth time, questioning whether or not I made the right decision at my age. Internally, my candid confessions were filled with doubt and cynicism. There was an unrelenting need to constantly revisit every step I’d taken over the last six months. I would take an episode and I would study it and try and filter its purpose. Then I’d replay it in my head a thousand times over and pull from those past emotions and I’d sit on it – waiting for something. Anything! An answer. A reaction. A confirmation that I’d done the right thing.

Then, after catching a quick glimpse of reality, I felt blanketed with embarrassment and needed a break from my own, torturous mind. Full on writing hibernation mode seemed to be the only thing that could accomplish such a tricky task. I’ve spoken with women from all over the world who’ve been looking to me for support while going through the trials and tribulations of having a mastectomy so I couldn’t bare the thought of letting them down with my newfound vulnerability. When women are coming to me to find honest answers (and, of course, a little bit of comic relief), bitching and moaning at this point just seems like a slap in the face. But then it hit me…

Honest. Answers.

Let’s start with expectations. Don’t set them so high!

And don’t be so hard on yourself. One thing you have to remember is that this is a reconstructive surgery. Your breasts will look great, don’t get me wrong, but they’ll be different than what God gave you. And that’s that! Period. It’s easy to get caught up in the supportive lingo of family and friends, constantly reminding you of how great your new fake boobs will look! I found, more often than not, that my mind had a preconceived correlation between breast implants and perfect boobs – because that’s where one’s mind wanders when they hear someone is getting implants. It’s quite simple, really:

Imperfect breasts are enhanced with implants to achieve the closest to perfection they can get.

But once again, this isn’t a boob job, folks! After a mastectomy, your skin will be different. It will settle where it wants and how it wants. There are many things plastic surgeons can do to help you achieve the most natural look possible, but your body is still going to do what it’s going to do.

But reverting back to my lingering mind, wondering if I’d made the “right” decision at this point in my life, the answer is HELL YES! All it takes is seeing the woman in front of me at the grocery store or at church with a scarf covering her bald head, weighing about 20 pounds less than she probably should. Or the bald woman I frequently pass during a run in my neighborhood, proudly sporting her post chemo look and wearing a bright pink shirt that says, “I survived!” Or replaying the most chilling words I’d ever heard in my life when my brother in law said, “Your sister has breast cancer.”

Life is meant to be lived. And that’s what this surgery gave me. A chance to really live! It’s not meant to sit on my couch on a Friday night; blubbering over the fact that one nipple is half an inch higher than the other. Really, Amy?

But… leave it to me to find a fabulous celebrity we can all relate to! Jennifer Lawrence is one of my favorites. Aside from the fact that she completely fills my guilty pleasure as the fan favorite actress in The Hunger Games, she’s funnier than shit and has naturally uneven breasts! So it’s time to get over the idea of perfection, ladies!

jennifer-lawrence-photos-500x695

Check out the link below for a good laugh and try and remember in your darkest hour (because, yes, you will have them), that all of us did this for a reason. Sure, these may have been the cards we were dealt but I’d say the gift of continuing on with your life is one hell of a hand to be holding!!!

Thanks again for the support, friends!

Breast wishes –

Amy

One thought on “(Un)Even Steven

  1. I have read tons of sites, blogs, post… This is the first I connected with & have ever replied to! I am 13 days post op. I struggle with this very thing. I feel pathetic most days! Emotions spiral out of control, no one gets it. Ive not met a previvor. Frankly, I had just thought “who does this”? I was told it is just a matter of when. I am 36 years old, a wife & mother of 4 awesome children. I did not want them to go through the wrath of treatments. You are an inspiration!

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