Surgery Day – Part Dos

photoWell, kids… the time has finally come!

It’s the only time of year where all that have been nice enjoy richly filled stockings that hold trinkets and toys while the rest of the population pool together their lumps of coal and prepare for a cookout – faithfully remembering to stop for booze on the way there, of course. It’s the only time of year where my nephews will accept small forms of bribery to finish their vegetables, as they’re very well aware that Santa could be watching them at any given moment. Come January, it’s back to hoarding carrots in their mouths for a whole 13 minutes. Good God, I love those boys!

It’s also the only time of year you’ll ever hear 25 million Texans bitching about 75 degree weather being TOO HOT! Oh yes – that’s happening. All forms of social media are currently being pummeled to death by my fellow Texans and I forcefully disagreeing with Mother Nature’s cruel and un-Christmassy ways. It really does resemble a mild form of torture at this point. If you subside in the Lone Star State, I’m sure you know what I mean!

But this year – in addition to all the trinkets and toys, the drunken, wintery cookouts, the brutally over chewed steamed veggies and the can’t-figure-out-what-in-the-hell-weather-they-like-Texansyours truly is getting her last and FINAL breast surgery tomorrow morning! The new and improved C cup rack will be in full force in less than 24 hours.

I. CAN’T. WAIT.

Never in my life did I ever expect to be so happy about putting fake knockers in my bod, but getting a new set of girls after everything my sister and I have been through this year is like combining Christmas, Thanksgiving and my birthday all into one day. I mean, the semantics are basically the same so I’ve decided to provide you with a little chart to help you better understand where I’m coming from:

CHRISTMAS

  • You get stuff
  • People give you lots of attention
  • Sometimes people give you money
  • You get a lot of hugs

THANKSGIVING

  • You get stuff(ed)
  • People give you lots of attention
  • Sometimes people give you money
  • You get a lot of hugs

BIRTHDAY

  • You get stuff
  • People give you lots of attention
  • Sometimes people give you money
  • You get a lot of hugs

LIFE WITH FAKE BOOBS

  • You get stuff (Girlfriends are throwing a bra party for me post op)
  • People give you lots of attention
  • Sometimes people give you money
  • You get a lot of hugs

Semantics. Boom.

And I’m also well aware that people giving you money may only apply to the “Life With Fake Boobs” column should you live in a nudist colony full of dancers that’s disguised as a lunch buffet off Harry Hines Blvd, but technicalities shmalities. Let’s move on.

Over the last couple of weeks I also had the doc take a sneak peek at the ovary situation and was told everything looked great! Apparently I seem to have “a ton of follicles” which in my world means the ol’ baby box is clearly kin to Miss Fertile Myrtle. Let’s not get too carried away, though. I’m only 28 years old, after all, and until that certain someone decides to lay their flag on this sweet, sweet continent, baby talk won’t be happening until sometime in my next life (my 30s).

Back to the now, so much has lead up to this day. I look back at the constant worry I put myself through for a steady five-month period and am amazed at how different I feel at this point in time. I’m no longer emotionally, physically or mentally exhausted. I look at myself in the mirror when I get out of the shower and I still feel like I did before the mastectomy – a little enhanced, of course – but I still feel NORMAL! I guess what I’m trying to do is get a message across to all of you beautiful young women who may be going through the same decision at some point in your life. I beg you not to worry yourself into oblivion. I understand that the concept can be scary – and it’s all very, very real – but there are thousands and thousands of women out there who’ve had mastectomies with reconstruction all over the world and they look almost the exact same as they did before, if not better! There are SO many options available to us that weren’t available to our parents and grandparents. Whether you’ve had breast cancer and been through chemo and radiation or are simply taking a prophylactic approach to prevent your genetic makeup from threatening you with the big C, everything will turn out okay in the end. Everything. That’s not to say there won’t be some minor bumps along the way – but time heals all wounds. Even the ones on our chest.

I’m 150% ready for tomorrow! My post op pictures will be posted under the “Peep Show” link after things start calming down tomorrow. The hardest part of this journey may finally be over, but I’m so greatly looking forward to sharing my life with you as I get back to normal! There are so many milestones and firsts to experience from this point on like moving forward and truly appreciating how blessed my life is after the stroke of midnight this New Year’s Eve, enjoying the company of my very best girlfriends as they shower me with new bras from Victoria’s Secret and bathing suit shopping will be a whole different ballgame in the upcoming year! And as always, a good dose of weekly shenanigans will most certainly be provided with the hopes of soothing your quirky little souls!

Signing off, now, for a good night’s sleep! Wish me luck and let’s hope I’m not asked any important questions about anything rotten I’ve done in my past life while coming out of anesthesia. Apparently the last time I thought I was “sexy” and felt it extremely important to constantly lie about my temperature post op. Shocking.

Side Note: Here’s a little blues jam I did with my dad for some family. Music and family have been my best coping mechanisms by far! I recommend it to all! 

Breast wishes –

Amy

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