Drains, Expanders and Pain, Oh My!

I know. It’s a bit graphic – but it’s true.

As I woke up this morning I realized that today is exactly one-week post op. Looks like I made it, folks. Woo. Flipping. Hoo. Though it may be difficult to detect the excitement in my verbiage, it’s there. Somewhere. Lost beneath a deep sea of drainage, swelling and the heaviness that is the tissue expander – times two.

I honestly feel great throughout most of the day. I’m finally able to do more things around the house such as enjoy quality time with family as they stop by for visits and spy on masculine working men – which of course we covered in my previous post. The most difficult part of the process thus far is waking up. It’s not like a misery thing – or anything as equally depressing – it’s more of a pain thing. As soon as I’m able to swing my legs off the edge of the bed, my feet leisurely discover a new form of satisfaction as they unhurriedly find and meet the cool hardwood floor. As the struggle to stand begins, I naturally resume the hunchback position and start my journey toward the kitchen. It is there that I find my safe haven – Drugs! Legal ones, of course, but drugs nonetheless! After the impatient consumption of my rescue remedy, I retrace my steps back to the bed, resembling a stagger that can only be described as one of a Disney witch. Ever seen Snow White? I rest my case.

The drains are annoying. The tubing is wrapped around each breast and then shoots out of a hole the size of a pea at the top of my rib cage. Every time I lean down the tubing pulls and tugs at my skin. I’m about 5 seconds short of yanking these damn things out myself! The expanders are heavy – really, really heavy! The weight that I am now carrying on my chest from these foreign foobs (fake boobs) is maddening. After speaking with the plastic surgeon today, it sounds like I’ll at least get one of the drains out this week. My right breast is still noncompliant given that the swelling has yet to go away. I have found, however, that placing a gauze pad over each of the drain openings then wrapping an ace bandage around the rib cage is a suitable fix for the pain caused by the tugging and pulling from the drains. Discovered that little diddy this morning and wouldn’t ya know… SUCCESS!!!

Other than those minor but major aggravations, things are looking up! On a final note, anyone going through this bittersweet misery in the future should definitely look into the wedge pillow and/or the boyfriend pillow. Serious Sally! It’s difficult to sleep lying on your back because the expanders will slightly shift outward, so sleeping straight up is your best bet. I use the wedge pillow, which I found at Bed Bath & Beyond, in conjunction with regular sleeping pillows. But a friend of mine uses both the wedge and the boyfriend pillow. Go ahead and Google the boyfriend pillow. You know you want to. And yes – it’s exactly what you think. And for those who swing that way, I’m pretty sure there’s a girlfriend pillow as well – boobs and all. To each his own, I guess! Here’s to ONE WEEK!!!

Breast wishes –


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