Well kids, it looks like I made it through the night! BARELY. The good news is that they gave me one of the sexiest bras I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m loving this look so much that I may just have to regift this bad boy! Any takers? No? Mkay.
My dad and my sister came in to the prep room before they wheeled me into surgery yesterday and let me just tell you – that “cocktail” they were talking about giving me before surgery wasn’t in pill form. It was more like a top shelf margarita imported straight from Cabo that fabulously ventured through my veins! At that point, not only did I feel like I’d just thrown myself a party filled with frolicking whales wearing Mardi Gras gear, I was probably about 5 steps short of crazy. Maybe even 4 steps short – let’s just say it was touch and go there for a minute.
The doctors said the surgery went extremely well which of course made my family feel quite relieved. When I woke up, the first words out of my mouth were “Where’s my camera? I need it for my documentary!” But I was SOL at that point since my family was only allowed in the recovery room for just a few short minutes. Then I told my dad I had a fever of 103, followed by the nurse immediately correcting that statement, as my temperature was only 100.3. Decimal shmecimal.
To be completely honest I woke up with a pain level of about an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10, but it only took them about 4 minutes to bring it back down to a level 3. I remember them wheeling me to the elevator and bringing me to my room. That part was not one of my favorites as all the moving after anesthesia made me a bit nauseous. My family came in to visit after I posted up in the new compound. Yeah – I was a mess.
I knew when I made this decision that it was the RIGHT decision. After I finally understood what I’d look like at the end of the day, I’d been completely content – elated even! But after seeing my entire family gathering around my hospital bed (something I never thought I’d ever have to experience) my emotions decided to take a nosedive. I couldn’t believe I was here! I couldn’t believe I had just willingly undergone a bilateral MASTECTOMY at 27 years old! I was pissed off for the sheer fact that I was pissed off! I came into this so head strong and completely centered around the fact that my feet were firmly planted in this decision I’d made. So why now? Why did I feel like I was starting to chase my tail again by questioning everything? Was I starting to regret my choice? Is it possible that I may have underestimated this entire ordeal?
But – as my first day of recovery comes to an end, I’m finally starting to understand that taking a nosedive yesterday was completely normal. Is this something I really wanted to do? Of course not! Is it the smartest decision I can make for my body to keep my lifeline going as long as possible? YES!
So for all you other brave BRCA carriers, please realize this: it’s going to be hard. It’s not going to be easy. At all. But it also doesn’t last forever. And as the emotional and physical pain start to subside, your heart will hurt a little bit less each day. The road will almost always be bumpy at one point or another so when shit starts to hit the fan, HOLD ON LIKE HELL! (Thanks Holley <;3) I’m perfectly content at this point sitting in my hospital bed with minimal pain. The nurses here at Presbyterian in Dallas make me feel like I have 5 different mommas takin’ care of me! I couldn’t have asked for more! They’re all so precious!
Cosmetically, I’m absolutely content with the way I look so far. I went from a full B to a small B as they don’t want to put too much saline in the expanders the first go around. The incision was made underneath my breasts so I still have my own skin and my own God given nipples! There is a little bit of swelling and some bruising which kind of makes my tatas look like they had a round or two in the ring! But that will subside soon. The expanders are funky shaped right now since they aren’t filled very much, which I knew before hand, so I wasn’t expecting them to be perfectly round post op. There are two drains – one on each side – to help drain the fluid that naturally builds up after surgery. They’ll stay in for 8-10 days. Check these bad boys out!
All in all, everything is starting to turn out really well! I’m looking forward to a speedy recovery so I can continue to do all the things I love doing. Like wine…working out…wine. Oh – and apparently my step mom asked me last night if I was hot. She kept saying, “Honey, you look hot.” My reply? “As in sexy?”
Naturally. Another un-shocking moment from yours truly. Not. Surprised. At all. Thanks again for all the support y’all! Words can’t even begin to describe how much that means to me!!!!!!!
PS – they just had to give me Benadryl as the pain killers are making me itch! So badly that I find myself replicating Baloo at times from The Jungle Book – you know… scratching my back up against trees and all. They put it in my IV to start working faster, which is probably the reason it has taken me about 20 minutes to write this last little paragraph. I’m feelin’ goooooood. Like… really, really good!!
So – as my head continues to flippity float off into the wonderful world that is IV Benadryl, I’ll go ahead and say TaTa for now!
Breast wishes –